If you want to dissolve your marriage, no one can stop you. You don’t have to stay married if you see no reason to maintain the relationship. If the other party is reluctant and wants to stall the process, there are some things you can do to speed it up.
What you say can and will be used against you
That section of the Miranda warning must always be in your consciousness. No matter how injured you feel, you must be careful about the statements you say in public. That includes the stories and opinions you share with family members and friends.
The court of public opinion could turn your words around and make you look unsympathetic and cruel. The court of law would frown upon anyone whose arguments and statements are bordering on slander and outrage. Keep your opinions to yourself.
You are about to undergo a process that will place you and your family under a microscope, and somewhat open to public scrutiny.
Pro se may not be an option
A divorce may be the best course of action for your family at this time. Yet, entering the arena by yourself may not be the ideal choice to make. Filing for a divorce pro se (for yourself) may be counterproductive if the divorce is contested.
If the other party is becoming vocal and resistant about it, it’s best for you to hire a divorce lawyer here in Albuquerque to handle the legal arguments. When fighting and differences in opinion are primary motivators for a divorce, it makes sense to retain an attorney to prepare documents and facilitate court proceedings.
You can start drafting the items of the separation agreement, but it is helpful to have a legal mind over your shoulder to advise you on your rights and responsibilities.
A hundred percent commitment
Being calm and committed – that is the attitude to nurture. When you can separate emotions from the proceedings, a favorable outcome is more likely to fall on your hands. It’s too easy to feel antagonistic or defensive, but responding as such could make matters worse, not only for yourself but for the children.
If you devote yourself 100% to the task at hand, then you will see the end sooner than you think. If you can remember that you and your spouse are and will always be the parents of your children, then that should be enough to propel you forward.
Focus on the tasks at hand, and cushion your children from the blow as well as you can. These are gargantuan tasks, but if you commit fully, then you will be doing your best for your children.
Lastly, consider this
The process of dissolving a marriage through a divorce often leads to court proceedings. Yet, some couples accept mediation as a means to an end. Write down “mediation” on your list of options right now. No matter how insufferable your spouse has become, you must think about using a mediator as an alternative.
The mediator will sit down as an independent third party and facilitate the negotiations. The outcome of a successful mediation is an agreement both parties agree to behind closed doors. If there is a possibility that you and your spouse can reach a consensus, mediation could be a worthwhile alternative.
